Being Bothered

Part edited images all over the place!

I have a list of things that I want and need to do. It’s not so much a To Do list, more of a backlog. This list of things, this backlog, now has a name. It’s called my “Gunna List”. The list of things that I’m “gunna do” (in proper English it would probably be called “The list of things that I am going to do in the future”, but the phrase was said to me by the Big Dog himself Tim Franklin, and he’s Australian and, well, you know how they talk, so “gunna” is what it is!). And it feels like it’s at critical mass, bulging with all the ideas I’ve had, all the things I want to do, all the things I need to do. But when you look at my Gunna List you’ll notice that not all the items are in the “Not Started” column. A lot of them are in the “Work in Progress” column (OK, it’s a board more than a list!)

This Work in Progress column is a long list of things that I have started and never finished. You can follow the trail of un-exported video projects, part edited photographs, and half made things straight to it. There’s animations, route maps, videos, blogs, a couple of books, even a chalk bag…the collection of folders of files and boxes of crafts items and other bits and bobs goes on.

And this trail of incompleteness leads me to a conclusion. I have a bit of a problem. You may have guessed this by now.

I start things and never…

…

…

…

…finish them.

I don’t know exactly why this is, it may be a condition (like dyslexia, or ADHD, I don’t know as I can’t get tested), or it may be a learnt behaviour that I can’t shake, or I may just be lazy.

But whatever it is, ultimately it comes down to one thing.

I can’t be bothered.

Now “bothered” may not be the most technical of terms, but I always feel it fits well. It covers a broad range of things. Essentially, being bothered is taking action to do something.

If we go back to my Gunna List, you’ll see that Being Bothered isn’t just about starting something, it’s about getting it finished as well. You see, sometimes the starting of something isn’t the part that needs the most effort. I had a saying that I would throw at Nikki when she was running across Australia. “Anyone can start something, it’s finishing it that’s hard” (I paraphrase, as the last part of the sentence would be tailored to the moment and may have involved slightly harsher words!!).

One of many untouched RAW images from RunAustralia

Starting something can be easy. Take Nikki’s Run Across Australia. I could start running across Australia. All it needs is me to start in Perth and run east. That’s the easy part (in this example it technically wasn’t that easy as we had to get to the start, but that is something I’ll talk about another day. It’s on the Gunna List!).

So why have I started so many things? I think* it may be knowing that I’ve started something triggers something in my head to make me feel like I’ve actually done it, and I feel good, and then move on to the next thing, and the cycle repeats itself. The problem is that in the not too distant future I feel terrible. I feel frustrated. I get angry with myself. I feel like a failure. Disappointed that, yet again, the WIP column on my board if filling up and the Done column stands empty.

*I’m not a medical expert and this is a total guess!

But if I was bothered enough to reach the goal of finishing that thing then I’d, well, finish it.

And it’s not for lack of knowledge or skills or experience. I’m a Project Manager/Business Analyst/Process Expert by trade. And I’m good at it, if I say so myself. I can plan or analyse or map the f**k out of a project, business or process. I can keep other people on track. I can show them the way. That’s not it (I’m also an unemployed good PM/BA, so if anyone is looking for one please let me know 😇

You see, you can read all the books in the world about motivation and organisation and planning, (and I’ve read loads!), you can listen to all the speakers going on about how they have turned themselves around by doing this or that, watch all the TED talks you want, but ultimately, it comes down to one thing.

Being bothered.

If you can’t be bothered to do the things you want to do then you won’t do them. If you can’t be bothered to implement any of the ideas from these books, or speeches, or films you’ve seen, then you won’t change anything and you won’t do the things you want to.

Un-started craft projects

All the books, all the talks, all the stories of success are pretty much the same. They may call them something else, there may be slightly different ways of getting to the same point, but it’s all the same. If you don’t do them, if you can’t be bothered to action what they are saying, then nothing happens.

Nothing changes.

I heard a quote years ago when I started trying to improve my running pace. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. I think it’s a pretty old quote, I just hadn’t heard it before, and it has stuck in my head ever since (also because it’s wonderful to use when I’ve had to manage change in a business environment or with Nikki!!)

So, if you read these books but then aren’t bothered to make the changes, then, nothing changes. Reading the book, watching the talk, that’s easy to do, that’s normal (if you read books and watch stuff, that is!!). That’s not being bothered to do something, that’s just something you do. You’re just doing what you’ve always done.

You have to be bothered to take that next step.

This year I’ve planned to run a lot. I’m turning 50 and thought it would be “fun” to push myself and have entered many races. As I write this I’m 2 weeks into my training and I have run a total of 0km. Now I can give you a long list of reasons that this is the case. I came back from Eastern Europe after being away for a month and I’m just getting back into the swing of reality. I’m spending my days looking for a job. I’m putting together videos for Nikki. The weather is crap. This hurts. That hurts. Wow, I’m annoying myself writing them down!

The bottom line is I can’t be bothered. I can’t be bothered to put my running kit on and head outside. I can’t be bothered to put myself in the uncomfortable position of being out in the elements and going through a bit of pain to improve my running.

I can’t be bothered.

I’d like to think that you can relate to this. I’m sure you’ve procrastinated getting ready for a run and taken so long that another commitment has suddenly crept up on you, or it’s suddenly too dark. And don’t tell me you haven’t felt a “niggle” and use the wonderful excuse of “I don’t want to risk making it worse” type excuse? Can’t run without music and your headphones won’t connect? Watch isn’t charged? Ring any bells?

Be honest, you couldn’t be bothered.

It’s just putting barriers in the way to justify the un-botheredness. You know you don’t need music to run, so why not enjoy the outside sounds for this run? You know the route off by heart, so who needs a watch to measure it? You know that really expensive headtorch you have, use it when it’s dark. There is always (OK, I’m sure there are times when there isn’t but let me have some artistic license!) a solution that will smash that barrier down, but you don’t want a solution, you just want the excuse to justify why you aren’t doing the thing.

Stuff I’ve got but never done anything with!

Because you can’t be bothered.

The worst thing is that this is something I used to preach to my daughters when they were kids (well mainly my youngest, sorry Charlotte, as my eldest always seemed to just do the things she wanted to do without me nagging her much!) I used to harp on at them about be bothered to do the things that they said they wanted to do. It’s no good getting something and then not using it. It’s no good saying you want to do something if you don’t do things to help you do it.

Being bothered. Being bothered to go and do it.

If you look at the people that you admire and look up to, you probably think that they are so talented and lucky to have got to where they are. The chances are that they are where they are because they were bothered to do something. Do you think The Rock got to where is he by reading a book and going “Yeah, that’s me done now!”. Do you think Premiership footballers were just found kicking a football about in the park and have done nothing else since to get where they are? That product that you use all the time, do you think it just magically appeared on your shelf once the idea was formed in the owners head?

No, all these people would have had an idea, they would have taken action, they would have worked on it, and then followed it through to the end. And they succeeded. They succeeded because they were bothered. They were bothered because they wanted to get to where they wanted to get to and did something about it.

It doesn’t matter what technique you use, whose self help plan you follow, what speaker you listen to, it all boils down to one thing.

Being bothered to do it.

So why am I telling you this? I’m making a change. I can’t keep this annoyance and frustration at myself inside anymore, and the most logical way to deal with it is to be bothered to do the things I want to do. I’ll be working through my Gunna List (and hopefully renaming it to something more positive!), I’m going to be sticking to my training plans, and basically doing the things I said I would do. I’ve said this before, but plan on making this the last time I say it. It’s like when I quit smoking. Took me 3 (or maybe more, I can’t remember!) attempts until it stuck, and that’s the plan now.

I’m going to be bothered.

And that means I’m dragging you all along with me! As I work through my list I’ll be sharing some of the done items with you, and if I’m not, then please feel free to give me a prod 🙂